From Out of the Slumber

It finally feels like the right time to post something here again after the longest period of being lost to uncertainty, as well as many other limiting factors.

I’ve been experiencing a great deal of mild chronic depression, which has been problematic enough to restrict how I live my life, dictating what I do on a day to day basis – which is nothing much at all in the grand scheme of things. During this time I have come to question the notion of a spiritual world, choosing to sort of abandon it, albeit not completely.

Maybe it’s time to change gears on this blog once again and go in a different direction, but for now I don’t know what that direction should be. Maybe it’s the nature of this low level of consciousness I’m working with, operating in this depressive state that I only snap out of briefly once in a while, which prevents me from connecting to something more substantial and profound which I don’t get to witness in my everyday mundane life.

The thing about having a manic and psychotic experience is that when you get catapulted into a realm where anything you can imagine becomes possible and real, you’re given a unique perspective, first hand, to explore the age old questions which we can never find the final answers to and you eventually reach a clarity where you are completely connected to the totality of all that is, anchored in the moment, which then allows for the deepest insight available to you to bring about realisations that you never thought possible. Once you’ve tasted that state of reality, it becomes all the more disheartening and shattering to feel yourself fall back down to a place where the banal rules and the only thing that exists is what your basic senses can fumble to grasp.

I’ve taken it on myself to reach out for help and I’m waiting on seeing a counsellor and a Psychologist, which should be in another three months or so for the former. Hopefully during that therapeutic process I can try to elevate myself enough to feel connected more to a living world where I see a point and meaning to my existence. Until then it’s a case of being patient, tolerant and kind to myself so I can avoid crashing down any further and blocking out the world. I’ll also be seeing my Psychiatrist to discuss the efficacy of my medication.

On a more positive note, I’ve opened myself up to the idea of volunteering and sometime this year I may be in a position to contribute to making a change to how mental health services are delivered in my local area. I’m also looking to be a part of starting back up a peer support group where myself and others can see about helping one another through our daily grind of troubles. I have to hope my depressive mind allows me to undertake these endeavours successfully.

Well, that’s it for now. May you take something away from reading this if you got this far and find the light in your own life if you require it.


Gotta get it out somehow, right?

Drawing for me can be like hard work. I’ll settle into it for hours on end, even though I may find it stressful or frustrating. I’m not one to find my myself fully enjoying the process. I mean, I don’t consider myself very talented but I do my best to represent something which has had some thought behind it. I like to convey different meanings and messages through the medium.

I can freshly remember many years back where I first started to seriously contemplate sitting down to put ink or pencil to paper on a regular basis. I was going through a particularly difficult period and I would cover a page of A4 paper fully with an abstract representation for the suffering I was going through. It had a very tribal feel to it, done in black ball point pen – to me, I’d done something I didn’t think I had it in me to do. Out of an unseen imagination I’d created something uniquely my own in material form to see. An expression of my own personal experience.

It seems the importance of our creative natures is often underplayed when it comes to our health in contemporary society. At times it can be the only action necessary to remedy what has stricken us down, amongst all the common treatments meant to fix up just right. I had a vision once of people healing themselves by combining creative arts in talking therapy sessions. Where people could speak their mind through their pictures, words or music when their voice was no longer adequate enough. By unifying all aspects of healing to suit an individuals needs we cater to the very core and essence of that person. Why settle for anything else?

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