Category: Spirituality Connections

From Out of the Slumber

It finally feels like the right time to post something here again after the longest period of being lost to uncertainty, as well as many other limiting factors.

I’ve been experiencing a great deal of mild chronic depression, which has been problematic enough to restrict how I live my life, dictating what I do on a day to day basis – which is nothing much at all in the grand scheme of things. During this time I have come to question the notion of a spiritual world, choosing to sort of abandon it, albeit not completely.

Maybe it’s time to change gears on this blog once again and go in a different direction, but for now I don’t know what that direction should be. Maybe it’s the nature of this low level of consciousness I’m working with, operating in this depressive state that I only snap out of briefly once in a while, which prevents me from connecting to something more substantial and profound which I don’t get to witness in my everyday mundane life.

The thing about having a manic and psychotic experience is that when you get catapulted into a realm where anything you can imagine becomes possible and real, you’re given a unique perspective, first hand, to explore the age old questions which we can never find the final answers to and you eventually reach a clarity where you are completely connected to the totality of all that is, anchored in the moment, which then allows for the deepest insight available to you to bring about realisations that you never thought possible. Once you’ve tasted that state of reality, it becomes all the more disheartening and shattering to feel yourself fall back down to a place where the banal rules and the only thing that exists is what your basic senses can fumble to grasp.

I’ve taken it on myself to reach out for help and I’m waiting on seeing a counsellor and a Psychologist, which should be in another three months or so for the former. Hopefully during that therapeutic process I can try to elevate myself enough to feel connected more to a living world where I see a point and meaning to my existence. Until then it’s a case of being patient, tolerant and kind to myself so I can avoid crashing down any further and blocking out the world. I’ll also be seeing my Psychiatrist to discuss the efficacy of my medication.

On a more positive note, I’ve opened myself up to the idea of volunteering and sometime this year I may be in a position to contribute to making a change to how mental health services are delivered in my local area. I’m also looking to be a part of starting back up a peer support group where myself and others can see about helping one another through our daily grind of troubles. I have to hope my depressive mind allows me to undertake these endeavours successfully.

Well, that’s it for now. May you take something away from reading this if you got this far and find the light in your own life if you require it.

 

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It Begins and Then…Just, Ends.

Well it’s a Saturday night and here I am in the comfort (or maybe that’s half discomfort too) of my isolation looking to ramble away again with a desire to produce something interesting for readers.

I could describe my mood as unusual and if I were to physically describe it, it would be like I want to reach deep into my body, sliding between all the grime, bones and what not to pull out something remarkable that has some kind of enigma to it. Something worth exploring to find deeper insight into the nature of simply being. It gets tiring though; there’s only so much worth you can find from your own psyche without contributing more experiences to it and finding more evolved ways to live your life.

Part of being in isolation and solitude does cause you to shut down, close up and start to lose your mind to depression and other such things, but the other side is that you find an element of spirit that is unmoved, always thriving and ready to produce anything that you would ever need – if only you can hang on to it. It’s that life force that you can rely on, no matter what situation you are in and no matter what you experience – if only you can remember that it’s there. The calm, present entity that we see as ourselves existing there constantly, even after death in this material realm if you so believe.

Yet we’re a species that always wants more. Even if we have everything we need it can never be enough, because we’re designed to evolve and move forward in some sort of direction to “better” ourselves…….and I would like to see this as what we’re all here to actually accomplish. As much as I want solid answers in my soul searching, I’m inclined to believe there is a greater living construct out there that we’re all tied to and it’s this construct or maybe it’s better to say “living entity” that will benefit from our collective worlds that we all create for ourselves. Because it is like our own universe when we delve deep enough inside to discover what is really going on. We could house our own universe to help expand the existing one, readying it for further life capable of existing due to our new contribution.

Well there’s a lot of maybes, could bes and what ifs for one post.

Coming back to what we consider reality, I’m looking for something that answers the seemingly unanswerable questions still because if all we need to do is to keep breathing to accomplish our original designed outcome, then I need to know why it was necessary in the first place. Having a life in itself is not enough to constitute a reason.

Then we come back to that unmoved spirit – that we look to hang on to and remember is there and all those rambled thoughts dissolve.

So there is that cycle of birth and rebirth as permeating the world around us.

Another ramble ends.

T=M

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Come to the Edge, but not Too Far.

Soooooo….how is it going in my world, some might wonder.

Well, I’ve been taking on a lot more since I got out of hospital and it’s kind of been a test to see what is too much to take on and where the line is to draw for me, where I need to stop myself from breaking. I’m sure now that I’ve had that realisation; that point where I can safely say “I’m ok hanging here for now, thanks”.

I recently got myself into a romantic relationship, which I’m very excited and happy about. I feel blessed to find someone I can talk to about anything for long periods of time and share intimate moments. Plus an interesting thing happened between us lately. We were both seeing the numbers 11:11 and other such recurring numbers. She would see 16 in numerous places and I would see things like 12:12 and other combinations of the same numbers. I know some of this is related to Angels and other such things, which is fascinating to read and research about if you haven’t.

As far as Psychiatry goes, I’m looking to meet with someone from my local mental health team to receive an appointment for the Psychiatrist to discuss my medication. I am not “Psychotic” any more so I don’t feel I should have to take anti-psychotics indefinitely, which one Psychiatrist at the mental health team actually said to me before now (a rare good guy among doctors). I’m also meeting with the worker from the mental health team to discuss a move to a new place. I requested a change of housing about two years ago, due to my place being detrimental to my health (being claustrophobic and making me feel trapped) and I have finally come to the top of the list to be given an alternative. I can only hope it will be more suitable and not a waste of precious time.

I’ve been embracing my spirituality as much as possible and I’ve met others and had conversations which I haven’t been able to have with people so much in person before now, which is refreshing. I’ve been using crystals and gem stones to protect and enhance my home and I’ve been making use of a Shaman Oracle Deck, when I’ve needed to ask questions and seek guidance. Plus I’ve been reading books of a spiritual nature too, which have started to have a profound effect already. I also went out of town to a nice shop where there were offers on gem stones and other helpful items, where I met the owner again and another guy who’s a Buddhist practitioner who I met many years ago. At that time I was out on temporary leave from the local Psychiatric hospital when I met him. It was a nice reconnection. Generally I feel more in-tune with the natural order of things, as opposed to the sick society and it’s people that I see around me. I have faith that this is a year for change where people will start to wake up more and realise enough is enough – we need to start doing a better job for ourselves and Mother Earth.

Only time will tell of course.

T=M

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A Step in a Unified Direction

Since I’ve come out of hospital, things have been exciting and unexpected beyond belief. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I can create a way of living for myself.

The mental health services have simply left me alone to get on with things, for better or worse, which I’ve come to expect now – but I am fine with that to an extent. Some of the experiences I’ve had since coming out of hospital some people would believe, others would think I’m insane. Like, for example, I saw a light being while I was out one night which is definitely ET in it’s origin….but hey, I’m crazy right? Who would believe me. Some actually do.

I’ve also been having some better connections with people that I know I can work with on some level, whether it be spiritual or otherwise. I want to do good and be the best version of myself I can be. The path I walk shows others the path they can also choose to walk if they wish. There’s never any pressure for this, I am about gentle steps in this evolutionary process that we all face this year.

On other spiritual matters, I’ve been connecting with my higher self a lot more with varying degrees of success. Sometimes I get mixed messages to test me and other times it’s outright interference. I am working on bettering myself there. I’m also working on a novel based on various spiritual themes and beliefs that have already come before and I’m also looking to do charity work in-line with my higher self. Now is that time to start making a difference before it’s too late. We can’t simply sit by and do nothing in this time of change.

Saying all that, it’s been important for me to rest. I have challenges with the medication I take, but I will work on cutting it down with the mental health team which I will contact and ask for assistance (even though I am knowledgeable enough to do it myself). I would rather people are given reassurance rather than feel uncomfortable or forced to take action from a place of fear.

I seek perfect balance and calm in my life from now on.

T=M

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Further down the Rabbit Hole

Below is something I typed in hospital which I have recently been released from. I was in there approximately one month. I had a spirit walk before going in, which is why some of my previous posts are a little inaccurate.

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These past four weeks or so I have been sectioned by law to a private Psychiatric hospital after I went on yet another Spirit walk (which is what I am calling my ‘psychosis’).

With the utmost clarity, it has become clear that these places are needed in order to evolve spiritually. It may seem challenging at first, going through extreme behaviour, due to your rights and privileges being taken away and medication being used, however what you gain in spite of that is solid connections between other “gifted” people on their very own journey and the exploration of your own. The patients always make the place and they always have something of great value to bring to relationships, even a simple acquaintance with a friendly gesture.

In my time here, I have met people who are multi-talented in a number of fields, including (of course) science and spirituality. What I have noticed is how strong someone’s faith can be and how the people here are in some way are connected deeply to a divine source, which they express. wholeheartedly The ones who find themselves lost are the ones still seeking that divinity.

There is also a huge amount of what has been coined “synchronicities” by new age beliefs, but there is something to it. For example, I met someone recently who has been in exactly twice as many hospitals as I have, and I have been in seven different places. The similarities don’t stop there. Something as universal as music brings us all together to communicate in ways we cannot readily express ourselves and it is very telling of where people are at in themselves too. I had the opportunity (on the initial ward that I came into which was an intensive care one) to play guitar and sing with two other people both especially gifted in music. Gifted enough to make it professionally without a doubt.

It’s these observations that make me feel it’s a blessing to be considered “mentally ill” even though I prefer “emotionally imbalanced” instead. All one requires to do is have faith you will get where you need to be, eventually, and then you will one day step out of the darkness into a much more promising light.

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How I Envision our Future Together

Michael Tellinger : Ancient technology and the Ubuntu movement

Having been through what I have, I eventually somehow found myself upon this presentation, which led me to learn about about Contributionism.

I delved deep into it and found it to connect to my way of seeing things when I find myself in oneness with that unconditional love that resides inside all of us.
I would encourage others to watch it and then do some exploring of your own to see if you envision a future like this.

Also, for those who would prefer to read about it, there is this link:

Ubuntu Liberation Movement

T=M

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