I figure it worth to write this entry while I’m currently holding on to some anger and resentment.
I’m frustrated, yet again, with the desire that my heart seems to want above all else. No matter how I try to work on this particular desire, or let it go, do anything whatsoever with it – it’s there ready to beat the hell out of me when it is not fulfilled. Desire is a cruel and wicked thing. It would sooner have myself destroyed that remain unfulfilled. The anger bubbles up and what are you suppose to do with it? Let it act out? Push it on others? Keep holding it on to yourself? None of it works as long as that desire keeps nagging away at the core of your soul. Surely there is a way to find peace with it, once and for all. A way of reconciliation. How long is it going to take? A lifetime!!???
Looking for freedom in all the wrong places, because the place that you would think it was – internally – is hidden. How do you reveal something always shrouded in some form of invisible cloak? Once one way of pulling back the cloak is found, it finds another. An endless chase. This is why people end their lives, to be free from this sadistic kind of emotional mind game.
Once you discover your hell on Earth, is there ever a way back from it? Is there not a way to be free from condemnation other than self annihilation?
I would do best to remain optimistic, despite how easy it would be to fall into pessimism. Because after all, isn’t that what is expected of us? Be happy, have fun and enjoy life – if you can!
please don’t give up.
Thank you for showing concern beth. I’m only likely to temporarily give up these days, so rest assured I will keep my head above water.